


Captain Cold or Captain Old?

by sperrywink



Category: DCU, The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Jokes, M/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 23:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7989724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sperrywink/pseuds/sperrywink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from saekhwa: “I forever live for Barry trolling Len about being old.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain Cold or Captain Old?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saekhwa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saekhwa/gifts).
  * Translation into Русский available: [Старина Холод](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8386717) by [PrettyPenny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyPenny/pseuds/PrettyPenny)



> This was a fun prompt to fill, and I got a lot of enjoyment out of Barry and Len needling each other. Thanks for the prompt!

It happened the first time because Barry was so surprised that Captain Cold was showing weakness that he had to joke before he reacted with concern. Because of his speed and abilities, he'd captured Captain Cold many times, taking him off-guard or by surprise, but he'd never actually beaten Captain Cold because he _stumbled_. So Barry asked, “Getting old, Captain Cold?”

Barry wasn't surprised when he denied it. Old people never did think they were old. Joe denied it all the time. Captain Cold said, “Never too old to have a go. Just didn't see the uneven pavement.” 

Barry looked at the new asphalt and snorted. “Yeah, gotta watch out for that. Maybe you should get glasses instead of those goggles. I hear bifocals can really help.”

Captain Cold frowned and looked almost embarrassed, but then the look fell into blankness so fast Barry wondered if he had imagined it since Captain Cold went immediately on the offensive like always. He snarled back, “Not all of us can have metahuman healing abilities and remain youthful forever. Some of us have to rely on our wits, but you wouldn't know anything about that since you've never shown a lick of sense.”

Before Barry could think of a snappy comeback, Captain Cold then escaped capture with a crafty move. Barry wasn’t surprised, even if he was frustrated.

The next time was totally intentional. Captain Cold was winning; he really was a sharp strategist, and Barry was left in his dust all too often. It was just too bad that he used his genius to be a villain rather than for good. Not that Barry needed help, except he kind of did. 

Now that Wells had been revealed to be the Reverse Flash and had been defeated by Eddie’s sacrifice (Barry could add that to the things that sucked about his strategizing. Maybe if Barry had been more strategic rather than always playing catch-up to Wells, Eddie wouldn’t have had to die), that just left Cisco and Caitlin as guidance, and neither of them had Captain Cold’s skills. Cisco was more technical guru, while Caitlin was too cautious and caught up in Barry’s health. They were fantastic friends and helpers, but they weren't big picture thinkers like Barry needed sometimes, and like Wells had seemed to be. Times like this when he was trying to defeat Captain Cold, he really missed Wells’ grand ideas. 

As he evaded a blast from the cold gun, in frustration Barry snarled, “No shuffleboard at the old folk’s home today?”

Looking almost startled, Captain Cold asked, “What is it with you and my age? It must get _old_ feeling insecure, Scarlet.” He then smirked and neatly evaded capture _again_ , the bastard. Vanishing into the distance, Barry could catch up to him with his superspeed, but Captain Cold had swooped left to enter the busy Central City Farmer’s Market, and the last time Barry had swept through such a conglomerate of loose goods, his wake of wind caused havoc, and the newspapers had eviscerated him. Damn Captain Cold and his forethought to rob the jewelry store right next to the busy farmer’s market.

Seeming to divine Barry’s lack of planning, Captain Cold picked up his thievery. Between Captain Cold’s activity and metahuman crises, Barry was left exhausted most days, and with Iris so sad because of the loss of Eddie, and Caitlin still stoically sad because of the continuing loss of Ronnie and also Wells’ betrayal, everyone was subdued, it seemed.

So when their snarking back and forth became a routine part of their interactions, Barry enjoyed it immensely. He got to be witty and needle Captain Cold, and Captain Cold got to use themed puns and quip to his heart’s content. Barry thought that both of them were happy. He knew it was the most fun he’d had since the singularity. He suddenly had joie de vive again. It was weird to put that change on Captain Cold, but to be honest he hadn’t noticed the depression he was falling into until he was coming out of it and felt so much better. He just had so much guilt he was working through, and it had been dragging him under, instead of getting better. 

So when time after time Captain Cold escaped, Barry was secretly relieved. He felt bad about feeling that way, but at the same time his anticipation of their next encounter was too keen. He began looking up joke websites on the Internet, and joined joke communities on Facebook to find more good ones to try out and see if he could catch Captain Cold flatfooted. It almost never worked, but those rare times Captain Cold fell back on a tired and used pun, or just fired his cold gun, Barry felt victorious even when Captain Cold subsequently escaped, sometimes because of his inattention.

He knew Cisco and Caitlin had both noticed his increased good moods, especially after fighting Captain Cold, but he didn’t think it was anything to be concerned about until they staged an intervention. Captain Cold had just escaped after a late-night diamond distributor robbery where Barry got to ask him, “Were rainbows black and white when you were a kid?” and really flummox Captain Cold, so Barry was whistling as he entered the lab. He pulled up short when besides Cisco and Caitlin, Joe and Iris were also present. In a questioning voice, he said, “Hi?”

Joe was frowning the most, but even Caitlin looked upset, so Barry felt dread blooming in his gut. Something must really be wrong he thought as he looked from one concerned face to another. Joe said, “I thought these two kids must be imagining things, but how could you, Barry?”

“How could I what?”

“Fall for Captain Cold!”

That brought Barry up short, and his mind whited out. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Joe continued. “We heard the whole encounter, Barry. We know everything.”

Thinking back over the robbery, Barry couldn’t think of anything that would provoke such a strong reaction from Joe. Yes, he had been trading quips with Captain Cold, but none of them were intimate (God-forbid!) or anything like that. 

As Barry gaped like a fish stuck on shore, Iris gasped. “Oh my god, you don’t even know, do you?”

Finding his voice, Barry asked, “Know what? I have no idea what’s going on here, guys.”

In a soothing tone, Caitlin explained. “Barry, Cisco and I have been listening to you and Captain Cold flirt for weeks now. We grew concerned.”

“I haven’t been flirting! We’ve been verbally sparring…wait. You think Captain Cold was flirting?” Even Barry heard the hope in his voice, and he flinched at Joe’s knowing look. Damn, he _was_ interested in Captain Cold. He had no idea when feelings had developed, but it certainly explained his lack of interest in capturing him. 

He was mortified that everyone knew before him, but also felt hope and wonder that Captain Cold could feel the same way. These contrary feelings fought inside his heart. He knew what he should do. Disavow all feelings and capture Captain Cold once and for all, but he was afraid to do that. Would he lose the good feelings coursing through him and lifting his depression? Would giving up Captain Cold and their friendly game drop him back into the depths of despair? He didn’t know and that scared him more.

Fiercely Joe said, “You know this isn’t a good idea, Barry. Captain Cold is a killer and a thief. He’s been terrorizing Central City since you were in diapers!”

Barry couldn’t help snorting out a laugh. That was a good one. Too bad he couldn’t have thought of it himself and used it on Captain Cold. Then he caught Joe’s exasperated look and grimaced back at him in contrition.

Still feeling cornered by his family and friends, and also feeling wrong-footed with his exposed feelings, Barry promised to end things with Captain Cold. He didn’t voice his doubts about his ability to do that without a better plan, or about his lack of desire to actually go through with it. He’d already lost more to his mutant powers than just some flirtation. This would barely be a blip on his radar. Right?

Man, was he wrong. 

He tried, he really did, but Captain Cold was always one step ahead of him, pun firmly intended. He’d expected his speed to mean he could capture Captain Cold easily if he actually put his all into it, but Captain Cold always planned for his attack, and used his speed against him time and time again.

Getting frustrated, Barry began falling back on taunting Captain Cold with jokes. He wondered out loud if the movie Jurassic World brought back memories for Captain Cold, and when Captain Cold robbed an antique auction house, he said that he was surprised that Captain Cold didn’t get auctioned off himself as an antique.

Captain Cold replied, “It’s not the mileage on the car, it’s the roads it’s traveled,” but before Barry could formulate a good answer to that snappy comeback, Captain Cold continued, “Oh, and Barry? Get off my lawn.” Captain Cold then aimed the cold gun at Barry’s feet and fired. Barry danced out of the way, and cornered, sped away laughing.

It wasn’t until he was across the city, still chuckling to himself that Barry realized he had let Captain Cold escape again. Joe would not be amused. He hung his head, and rubbed his neck. He just wished this was easier. That he could just hate Captain Cold once and for all. 

But he couldn’t.

He returned to the lab defeated time and time again and had to withstand the increasingly concerned looks from Cisco and Caitlin, and also the pointed remarks from Joe. It was torture, or it would be if in his heart he wasn’t still secretly relieved. He knew it was wrong, had it explained to him in increasing frequency just how wrong it was, but part of him just didn’t care.

Joe, of course, was having none of his dithering. The police were also heavily after Captain Cold, and Joe and Captain Cold had frequent clashes that made Barry worry all the time for Joe and also Captain Cold. He knew they traded barbs, and he was worried about what was said between them without him there as a buffer.

He was right to worry.

It was after one such clash that Captain Cold smirked extra hard at him the next time they met. Captain Cold had broken into a jewelry store, but he wasn’t stealing anything, he was just sitting on one of the fancy chairs. Barry stumbled. He had never seem Captain Cold look so smug and amused, and considering Captain Cold always looked smug, this was extra alarming.

Captain Cold rested his cold gun on his shoulder. “If I’d known the old jokes were your idea of flirting…”

Cursing whatever Joe might have said to Captain Cold, Barry said, “I was mocking, not flirting!”

“No, really, I’m flattered.” Captain Cold stood up and took careful steps towards Barry.

Barry held his ground, but it was a near thing, he was so embarrassed. He raised his chin. “Shut up! I wasn’t flirting!” He told himself he was letting Captain Cold get near enough so he could capture him, but his thundering heart and panting breath paid lie to those thoughts.

Captain Cold stopped a hair’s breadth in front of Barry, and leaned forward to whisper into Barry’s ear, “Turn off your earpiece, Red.”

Cisco was in his ear telling him the dire things that would happen if he did it, but Barry was too busy staring into Captain Cold’s eyes. They were blue and electric, and the heated look in them made Barry tremble. He turned off his ear piece.

With an understated smile, Captain Cold, pushed off Barry’s mask, and then kissed the hell out of him. Barry swayed like a sapling in the wind under the emotions the kiss released, until Captain Cold wrapped his arm around his waist and he felt anchored.

Captain Cold’s tongue tangled with his for long moments, until they both pulled back to breath. Captain Cold said, “I guess you could call me Len now.”

Barry blinked and then smiled wickedly. “That’s a senior citizen’s name.”

Len threw his head back and laughed freely until Barry couldn’t stand just watching his joy anymore and pulled him back into a kiss to taste it.

Maybe instead of cursing Joe, he’d thank him. On second thought, maybe he wouldn’t mention this to Joe at all. One had to watch out for old people’s hearts, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Works inspired by this story:
> 
> Russian translation by PrettyPenny [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8386717)


End file.
